Jonesey Jabronsy
''"He is SO fucking sexy, I would plow this nigga 'till I orgasm a hundred times over!" - Furgie'' '''History''' Jonesey Jabronsy was born "Marshal Mathers Carter 'Rick Ross' Wayne XVII" in Jabroniville. He is commonly refered to as the greatest pimp in Azeroth's history, operating an enterprise of over 500 whores from many different races (Forsaken were excluded from performing any erotic activity in his brothels due to bad publicity as a result of the Chernobylcause incident, which resulted in bylaw 101-B-15 of the Alliance's Universal Code of Rights specifically regarding prisoners of war). He is truly a local legend. Bitches be trippin' all over his dick. The City of Jabroniville Jabroniville is located in southwestern, gypsy-infested Romania. It is often compared to the "Jersey Shore". They have a boardwalk, even though there is no waterline. That's how gypsy they are. The town is described as a deplorable scumhole. Their primary exports consist of unbreakable plates to Mexicans and 150+ proof plum brandy. Jabronsy is famous for chillin' at the Blue Recluse, sippin' on syrup in the morn'. Creation Story Legend has it that his parents were two prostitutes. Sources say that they fucked in the back of a purple Chevy Malibu. Police reports claim that they were high on purple kush when they were discovered having full-contact intercourse. Hawt. Further rumour speculates it was in fact Col. Troteman who discovered and subsequently filmed the incident for a possible straight to DVD release but Troteman was re-assigned to Lakeshire after the tape somehow 'leaked' to authorities. Favourite Quotes His favourite quotes are "Fuckin' bitches left and right, plowin' up their inside. #yolo #swag #420blazeup" and "Y'all bitches needa get this guy a drink #firstworldproblems #dissarona" BITCH ASS NIGGUH HOE FAG Trivia He was raised primarily on Cheetos and Dr. Pepper. He smells like old blunts and pussy juice. His primary occupation is plowing hot "Big Booty-Bay Bitches", preferably human with blonde hair, because they're "dope as fuck like 'dat". Jonesey Jabronsy often walks around Stormwind City advertising for his club, "S.L.U.T.", which is exactly the product you can get there (Sexy Ladies Undressed like... Trashy). He actively recruits new whores for his enterprise. As the self-proclaimed "Bangbrah" of the Eastern Kingdoms, Jonesey Jabronsy has made a name for himself. Titles to his name include "Cunt Destroyer" and "Professional Pussy Pounder". Daytime activities include purchasing expensive Ralph Polo Lauren "swag" and acquiring luxurious champagne bottles. He also enjoys hosting Goldshire's infamous rap battles. Mythology Local mythos claims that his great grandfather, a member of Grandmaster Flash's Furious Five, founded the Goldshire Inn alongside Innkeeper Farley's father in the height of their youth. Farley was not available for questioning. Jabronsy himself was not available for comment either, as he was engaging in a full contact, sweet hammertime lovemaking session with a harem of broads in 'da club. It wasn't until years later that authorities close to Jabronsy released documentation showing that Gorge Dubya Boosh indeed loved Afreecan Amerikan Azerothians like Jabronsy and funneled T.A.N.F money to build the Goldshire Inn. Farley was released after an intense waterboarding session when SI: 7 discovered the misappropriated monies but only because they realized his surfing ability was above par. Oddly enough, Jabronsy is not Afreecan and is in fact from South Compton Stranglethorn, which both irritated the midget porn community of Ironforge and enraged an already struggling pimp community in Stormwind until Jabronsy set'm straight with his gov'ment hook-ups (literally, and figuratively). This proceeded to enrage the whole realm's boards and cause mass uproar in all major cities.